god complex

i wish i could see myself

the way the world does.

just a girl dreaming with one eye open, 

rather than the gum on the soles of her shoes.

i knew it started to get bad again

when i caught a glimpse of my reflection 

in a store window

and wanted to be someone else, anyone else, 

in that moment.

someone whose clothes fit them 

in all the right places

and skin that doesn't fold in on itself.

with an aura that catches wandering eyes, 

not the obnoxious laugh in a quiet room,

followed by a stuttered apology.

take the self-deprecation

and replace it with a god complex

that i don't believe in, 

sitting on a high horse

in shimmering mania

being the someone i've always dreamed of.

just to drag me back into an abyss

filled with laughing store windows

and stale chewing gum.